This is Thomas Ferreira, your lawyer for child custody, child support, spousal support (alimony) and property division serving Carlsbad, Encinitas, Oceanside, Vista, San Marcos and Escondido, helping you and your family stay out of court,and out of the poorhouse.

I also serve clients at the Riverside and Hemet courts.

Picture this scenario: you come home from a business trip. You come home early, hoping to surprise your bride of 25 years. As you open the bedroom door, flowers behind your back, you find her in bed–with your best friend since high school in flagerante delicto.

If you are a woman reading this blog, switch the parties. I have found that these principles apply to both men and women.

Now fast forward 6 months, to your first appointment with the Family Court Service Mediator, normally your first stop in any child custody case. You have programmed your phone to say “the slut” when she calls, and her special ring tone is Lyin’ Eyes by the Eagles.

Most red-blooded Americans would be mad as hell. They may send insulting text messages to the ex or lace their co-parenting communications with sarcasm. My advice: DON’T DO IT.

The wierd thing about family courts is that they don’t care who’s right and who’s wrong. Nope. Despite the horrible injustice of what you’ve gone through, you’re not allowed to be angry. In fact, your friendly FCS Mediator or judge still expects you to be agreeable, get along, cooperate with your ex and even support her parenting. So what’s a guy (or gal) to do?

1. Get into therapy. A good therapist will help you to process the anger. If you want to have a snowball’s chance in Family Court, you’ve got to forgive and get past the hurt.

2. Join a support group. There are many on line, and my favorite is Divorcecare.

3. Devote your energies to your parent-child relationships. Your kids need you more than ever, now that you and Mom are breaking up. But be careful not to discuss the litigation with the kids or badmouth yor ex. Say things to the kids that support your ex’s parenting, such as “you know that Mom loves you and she and I are committed to your well-being.” Or “You need to behave for your mother.”

What I suggest here is not easy. If you want to complain about your ex, call a trusted friend. It’s also helpful to write letter that you decide will never be sent. Dont give in to the temptation to sent them.

If you do this, when you walk in to court, you’ll be the reasonable one, the calm one. And you’ll likely get a better result in court.

And remember this: The best revenge is living well!

I remain …

Very truly yours,

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

Disclaimer: Thomas D. Ferreira is an attorney licensed only in the State of California. The information set forth in this blog or on our websites are not intended to create an attorney-client relationship, nor are they intended as legal advice on your specific matter. This information is not intended to apply to cases or jurisdictions outside the State of California, and those viewing this information outside of California, or having business before jurisdictions outside of California, should consult a local professional or lawyer. The information in this blog is not a substitute for the advice of competent counsel, and is not intended, nor should it be construed, as a guarantee, warranty or prediction regarding the results of your legal matter.

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