Too often I see people rush head-long into divorce without a plan. As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst(tm), and as the office manager, co-mediator and wife (current, thankfully) of a top-notch divorce attorney and mediator, I can help you plan ahead, and make our financial transition to your post-divorce life a smooth one.
At the outset, please understand that I am not an advocate of blind-siding your spouse with a divorce announcement, and then taking advantage of his/her fragile emotional state to get an advantage in litigation. At Divorce Life Solutions, our philosophy is to emphasize disengagement from conflict and, if possible, cooperation early in the divorce process.
In my experience many women take the decision to divorce too lightly, going into it without a plan as to how you will survive. Here are a few tips:
1. Before you make the announcement, do some real soul searching. It may help to talk to someone who is going through it already. You can find these people everywhere, but it may help to attend the high-conflict workshop with Dr. Deena Stacer, Ph.D. You’ll meet people in the thick of their divorces and custody cases, and get a good picture of the struggles divorcing people face on a daily basis.
2. Think about how you will share your children. As men, what kind of father do you want to be? How will you balance family life and career? Think about how you intend to support your husband or wife after the divorce in the enterprise of parenting, and how you will talk to your kids.
3. Write out a plan. Keep your journal in a safe place where it won’t be discovered, but it always helps to write out what you want your separation and divorce to look like.
4. Get financial advice. A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst(tm) (CDFA(tm)) can help you to prepare a comprehensive financial plan before you announce your intentions. While discussing the intent to divorce is always painful, you will feel empowered if you know that you have a plan for your own future, and what to do.
5. Get educated on your rights and obligations as a separated and divorced parent. Our next workshop is scheduled for Saturday, September 24, 2011 at 9:00 am. My husband and I co-teach this seminar, giving you the nuts and bolts of the court process, your basic financial rights and obligations, and how to think about parenting plans. There are other seminars out there as well, and some great information at the San Diego County Law Library. The clerks there will steer you toward the resources you need.
Divorce and separation are hard for you, your spouse, your children, and everyone else involved. Having a plan going in helps to take some of the anxiety out of the equation so that you can be more level-headed and make good decisions in this time of crisis.
Best of luck in your new life,
Disclaimer: Tammy R. Ferreira is a Certified Divorce Financial analyst and, while supervised by attorney Thomas D. Ferreira, is not an attorney licensed in any state. The information set forth in this blog or on our websites are not intended to create an attorney-client relationship, nor are they intended as legal or financial advice on your specific matter. This information is not intended to apply to cases or jurisdictions outside the State of California, and those viewing this information outside of California, or having business before jurisdictions outside of California, should consult a local financial adviser or lawyer. The information in this blog is not a substitute for the advice of competent counsel, and is not intended, nor should it be construed, as a guarantee, warrantee or prediction regarding the results of your legal matter.