This is Thomas Ferreira, your Carlsbad Divorce lawyer and mediator in Carlsbad, California. Tammy (my wife and co-mediator) and I do workshops to provide an overview of the divorce process and also to help folks find the meaning in the pain they’re going through. We offer the workshop completely free, as a service to the community. Check out our Free Resources page to see upcoming workshops and events.
We often advertise these free workshops on Facebook. Some of the participants become customers, but mostly this is our way to give back some of the wisdom we have acquired in our own journeys.
Yet every time we post our video on Facebook we get the usual slough of negative reactions. Mostly they convey the commenter’s disgust that we would dare to advertise our unique service on Facebook, what with families falling apart all over the place. One commenter summed it up by simply posting “WTF”.
Far be it from me to promote divorce on Facebook. I am a family man, involved in a healthy and successful parenting plan with my now ex wife, happily remarried, and accomplishing so much of my life’s work that it’s sometimes hard to find time to rest. I am a married man by temperament, and for those of you who have marital bliss as I now do, God bless you. Please scroll past our ad—our workshop’s not for you.
For the rest of you, I know that the decision to divorce is not being made whimsically or lightly. I start from the premise that to divorce is to have to admit failure on a deep and personal level. Divorce is almost always a financial and an emotional disaster, and it hurts kids.
I tell my seminar participants to think hard about their decision, as often times a divorce doesn’t solve the problem that the person hopes it will. Most peoples’ problems are internal to them, not imposed upon them by other people, circumstances or the world.
But for many people, divorce is unavoidable. In California, you don’t need a reason to divorce—if your spouse files a petition, you’re getting a divorce whether you want one or not. Tammy and I both know this because we’ve both been there and have the receipts to prove it.
From the leaving spouse’s perspective, how much infidelity or abuse should you tolerate before concluding that the marriage should be dissolved? I’d like to hear from our “WTF” people out there (you can write a comment to this blog below) if there is anything that your spouse could do that would cause you to end the marriage. For example, how many extramarital affairs are you willing to tolerate?
Our free divorce workshops have helped numerous people to avoid the usual emotional and financial carnage of divorce. Many will come to the workshop and learn that a divorce won’t solve their problems, and will be encouraged to persevere in their marriage. Many others come to hear the transformative message that there really is life after the process is over. We teach divorcing people to take stock of their life purpose and reflect on their personal values. We encourage divorcing people to think long and hard about their long-term personal, family and financial goals.
Many divorcing people are reactive to the prospect of divorce, buying into the idea that once the marriage is over, the gloves come off. We help divorcing people avoid that outlook and to adopt a healthier approach. Our philosophy encourages parties to prosper and to salvage what is still good in their family relationships. They are able to plan their divorce with an eye to what the future holds, instead of holding on to an irreparably broken past.
Now isn’t that outcome worth a little irritation on Facebook?
Love your family,
Protect your finances, and
Reach for your future!
Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.