Last week I summarized 12 steps to financial security during and after the divorce, and here’s the first one:  getting a handle on your emotions.

If you want financial security you need to have equanimity, that is, self-possession and calm amid the crapstorm.  In child custody cases you’ll need to be imperturbable when the other parent tries to throw you off center.  For financial issues you’ll need to channel your inner mathematician, someone who can make wise decisions under pressure.  You need the ability to bring the joy, even when others try to tear you down.

You really can be calm, and even joyful during your divorce process. I’ve lived this and watched countless others live it too.  Here are some ideas about how to get through the post-announcement doldrums.

Bad emotions will cause you to make bad mistakes.  Among these mistakes are:

• Sending nasty text messages and e-mails that can be used against you later;
• Posting nasty things on social media;
• Dumping your case on an aggressive divorce attorney and creating a plan for revenge rather than for happiness;
• Purposefully withholding your children from the other parent;
• Getting arrested for domestic violence.

Understand that whether you’re leaving or being left, this is going to be emotionally difficult.  It’s the nature of the beast.  But you can come out ahead if you can see a happy future, one in which you are achieving your highest values and aspirations.  It’s hard to see it now, but you can see it.

I would urge you to write out a detailed description of what your post-divorce life looks like, as though it’s already happened.  Write about that big house by the ocean that you finally have, and the great school district where your kid are now getting straight As.  Write in detail about how you finally wrote that “Meditation through Painting” book, got a spot on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and went on to make seven figures selling instructional videos.

Talk about your dreams as though you’ve already accomplished them.  This will set your subconscious to work on making your dreams into reality.  Dream big, and read your dream sheet out loud to yourself every day.

By contrast, nothing can destroy hope faster than dwelling on what is lost, plotting revenge, or trying to hold on to the past.  Don’t dwell on what a jerk your ex is.  Instead, think ahead to the great life you are now creating.  Don’t let anger or resentment set in—these will cause you to make bad decisions.

Keep in mind that the best revenge is always living well.  Reach for your dreams; it will drive your ex crazy.  Then, when your ex tries to draw you into conflict, all you’ll hear is “blah, blah, blah.”

Next week I’m going to talk about your divorce plan of escape.  Until then,

Love your family,

Protect your finances, and

Reach for your future!

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post YOUR FIRST STEP TO FINANCIAL SECURITY AFTER DIVORCE-COMING TO TERMS WITH YOUR FEELINGS appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.

Most divorce and child custody lawyers will spend their free consultation (or one that they will charge your credit card $350 for) convincing you of how much you need them.  According to the standard pitch, you are in extremely deep voodoo, and the only way out is to hire them to fight for you.  And the more you fight, the more money they make.

Tammy and I founded Divorce Life Solutions(tm) to help people avoid the biggest mistakes divorcing people make.  The truth is, your divorce case can and should settle without expensive litigation.  That’s not going to happen if you simply dump your shoebox of documents on the lawyer’s desk and say “fix this.”  Here’s the secret sauce that will save you huge bucks and lead to financial security, and to a secure relationship with your kids:

1. Understand and deal with the immediate emotional trial caused by every divorce.
2. Develop a plan of escape.
3. Get all your papers together in a neat, tabbed binder.
4. Spreadsheet everything you make, spend, own and owe, with realistic numbers based on the past.
5. You can do most of the legal paperwork yourself.
6. Use unbundled attorney representation so that you only pay for what you need.
7. Use an experienced, trained divorce mediator to assist with difficult negotiations.
8. Pursue long-term goals and let go of the need for fairness and revenge.
9. Don’t use dollar services to fight over penny issues.
10. Take charge of your own financial life when the proceedings are done.
11. Take the time, energy and money that you would use in the court process and devote it to your relationships with your children.
12. Life is too short to be angry and bitter—be joyful in your life; it will drive your ex crazy!

Consider Mabel, who lawyered her way into full custody of the kids and a hefty alimony award and spent $50,000 on her lawyer, half of which the court ordered her ex-husband to pay.  Mabel’s ex seldom saw his children, who are now surly, disrespectful teenagers.  Mabel’s ex paid his $3,000 per month support order for 2 years and abruptly announced that he would pay no longer.  Since he was willing to go to jail or live on a park bench rather than pay the support, he quit his 6-figure, 60 hour per week job and hung out a shingle as a handyman.  After that, he had no wages to garnish and has spent through his retirement account.  A couple of years later he unexpectedly dropped dead of a heart attack.

Now consider Julie, who decided to take charge of her life and avoid litigation.  She urged her ex to try mediation and resolved her case for about $4,000 in mediation fees.  She agreed to a step-down spousal support (alimony) order and went back to school to achieve her childhood dream of being a registered nurse.  Now, her ex is not her favorite person in the world, but he pays his support on time and is a huge help with the kids.  One day, the ex got drunk and drove his car into a ditch, rendering him paralyzed from the waist down.  Not to worry; July is now making $120,000 per year working for Tri-City Hospital as an RN, a job she finds greatly fulfilling.  In the process she has set an example to her children of how to take responsibility for your own life and make yourself a success by the sweat of your own brow.  And, she is immune from the consequences of her ex’s irresponsible behavior.

Which mother would you rather be?  I am in the process of writing an e-book for sale that will go into greater detail about the best way to divorce with your financial security intact.  Stay tuned, and until then…

Love your family,

Protect your finances, and

Reach for your future!

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post CARLSBAD DIVORCE LAWYER AND MEDIATOR SPILLS THE BEANS-12 WAYS YOU ACHIEVE FINANCIAL SECURITY WITHOUT A LAWYER! appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.

Sometimes it’s better to settle for less.  You may be thinking, wow, did a lawyer just say that?  Yes, you heard that right.  I don’t mean getting less value; I mean getting more value.  If you’re wondering how accepting less money or less support could possibly lead to your getting more value, read on.

Win-lose—the paradigm of our litigation system:

Attorneys have minds like steel traps.  If there’s a closely-held business we need a professional evaluator to apply the discounted cash flow method of evacuation, using the Gordon Model Multiple.  Or if spousal support is in issue we need an in depth analysis of all 14 of the Family Code section 4320 factors.  Each lawyer argues and fights to push the needle in their direction on each individual issue, and such issues are resolved one-by-one in isolation.  On the spousal support question, we might spend half an hour on Husband’s income, half and hour on whether and how much income to impute to Wife, whether it’s legitimate to consider unearned stock options as income available for support, and on and on.  Here is a diagram of a typical result for such a negotiation:

Here the lawyers have neatly divide an asset, such as a business, into equal 35 percent shares for each of the divorcing parties.  It’s certainly even, but the combined shares of Husband and Wife are 70 percent.  The red area is the attorney’s cut.

The win-win paradigm of mediation:

One way to make the pie bigger it to cut out the divorce attorney’s share by doing your own legal work—but this has a high degree of difficulty.  And, we can do better than that. The chart below illustrates how intangible values can actually make the pie bigger:

An “intangible” is something that’s worth something to a divorcing spouse that can’t be directly measure by a professional evaluator or lawyer.  How much money would you pay to have a good relationship with your children?  If you have a complicated and nasty hearing coming up, how much would you pay to avoid it?  Here is a partial list of intangible values:

1.  Avoiding painful hearings and trials.

2.  Teaching respect and tolerance of others to your children by example.

3.  Teaching children to respect their mother or father.

4.  Having happy, well-adjusted children.

5.  Moving on with your post-divorce life.

6.  Having an asset that has sentimental value.

7.  Living in proximity for co-parenting.

8.  Being able to co-parent peacefully and civilly.

9.  Fairness and equity.

10.  The dignity of being self-supporting in a career you’ve always wanted.

I’m not suggesting that you always put these intangible items on the table during negotiations.  But it helps to consider them when deciding how much to offer and when to settle.  And, it starts you to thinking about solutions that benefit Husband, Wife, the children, the extended family and friends.

Many people lose their sanity and happiness during painful and expensive divorce litigation.  But as the most wise person to ever live said, “what profiteth a man if he gain the whole world and lose his soul?”  Remember to…

Love your family,

Protect your finances, and

Reach for your future!

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post The Value of Intangibles in Divorce Negotiation appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.

This is not to disparage our truly fine family law bench.  Where I practice, mostly in North San Diego County at the Vista location, I am often amazed the compassion and understanding that our family law jurists bring to their decisions.

But the overwhelming majority of people who find themselves in our courtrooms have unreasonably high expectations of what a court can do to help in any given situation.  To see why, I’d like to take you on a little journey through the minds of the people involved.

Let’s start with you.  In the universe of your relationships to your soon-to-be-ex and to your kids is a body of information or truth about what is happening, and what is good for your family.  A subset of that truth is your understanding of what’s going on.  Another subset is what your ex understands or believes is going on.

Visualize your understanding of what’s going on in your case as a window, the larger blue area in the diagram above.  You then go to your attorney, spending an hour (at a cost of $350) for an intake.  You present documents like text messages, pictures, tax returns and the like.  This information, recorded in your case file and in the lawyer’s brain, is a smaller window inside the larger window of everything you know.  Your child custody or family law attorney can’t see everything in your window; he/she must look through the smaller window of his/her knowledge of your life.

Now comes a 20-minute Request for Order hearing.  The tools that your divorce lawyer has to present the case include written declarations that you sign, documentary evidence that he/she will lodge with the court on your behalf and maybe two or three sentences from you during the hearing.

The lawyer must expand, as much as possible the judge’s window on your life, but by necessity that window is very, very small.  That’s why it’s so darn difficult for your judicial officer to get your case exactly right or see it from your point of view.

The moral of the story is that you and your ex have the biggest windows into your lives and family, and are therefore in the best position to make those important decisions about how to share childrearing responsibilities, how to divide your estate, how you will be supported, in short, how you will accomplish your goals for your post-divorce life.  This is your family, and the decision maker should be you, and not your lawyer, or the person who has the smallest window, the judicial officer.

In mediation we take the time to explore how you and your ex can accomplish your goal of divorcing inexpensively, avoiding expensive and upsetting hearings, and accomplishing your goals.  In mediation you don’t have to follow the California legislature’s or the judicial officer’s view of how your family should be constituted.  If you come in to our free workshop this coming Saturday (February 4, 2017) at 1:00, we’ll show you how to do this.

Hoping to see you soon, I urge you to:

Love your family,

Protect your finances, and

Reach for your future!

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post CAN THE COURT REALLY HELP? SAGE WISDOM FROM YOUR CARLSBAD DIVORCE LAWYER AND MEDIATOR appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.

If you are a regular reader of this blog you already know the value of divorce mediation, as compared to plunking down a big retainer for a divorce lawyer, trying to DIY it or burying your head in the sand. “But,” you say, “you’ll never get him in to mediation.”  Or, “there’s no way I can mediate with her—we’re just too far apart.”

As mediators, Tammy Ferreira CDFA(tm) and I are trained to handle objections, and we can usually get even the most stubborn parties to resolve the matter.  The magic happens when we show the person that a settlement actually benefits them.  In mediation we focus on solutions that benefit both parties.  These benefits can be big—thousands in attorney fees, staying away from stressful court appearances, or just being done.

Often more than half the battle is getting the other person through the doors of our mediation office.  Here is a two-step method that will work most of the time.

Step One:  Become a Mediation Nerd.

My now ex-wife announced that she was seeking divorce 10 years ago, and I knew nothing then.  I was fortunate to have a friend who taught one of the high conflict classes the courts order when divorcing parents can’t get along.  Here’s what I learned:

• Realistically, a case of average complexity will cost about $15,000 to $20,000  for each lawyer, and I met people in the class who had spent well into six figures.  Our average mediation costs about $4,500 plus your court filing fees.
• Most cases require multiple “Request for Order” hearings that are costly and upsetting.  Declarations are filed detailing all the nasty stuff you know about each other in a public record that anyone can see.  Mediation is a completely confidential way to divorce that keeps you out of court and out of the poorhouse.
• Lawyers have a built-in conflict of interest.  It’s in both of your interest to resolve the case without court, but your lawyers make more money if they keep you fighting.  Mediators’ main interest is in resolving conflict and finding solutions.
• In mediation you can explore solutions that benefit both of you.
• If for some reason mediation doesn’t work, you can always go the court route.

You know what it’s like to talk to a nerd.  For example, watch how excited your tax accountant gets talking about how he can use the tax code to save you money.  A passionate advocate is an effective advocate.

Step Two:  Be a Broken Record.

I prefer voice communication when discussing these matters, though this may be difficult at your stage.  I find that if I can get the other person in my office or on the phone, I can usually get them to come in.  I am the world’s biggest mediation nerd, after all.

The big mistake most people make is allowing the conversation to stray into the details of the divorce, such as how you will share the children or the financial arrangements.  Our advice:  don’t bring up any issues in your case.  Your sole objective is to get them in to the mediation process.  If you’re as old as I am you remember vinyl long-playing records.  When broken, they would skip, and repeat a certain phrase or lyric over and over again.  Be a broken record by returning the conversation to the benefits of mediation.  Here are some examples:

Spouse:  I want 50-50 custody of our kids.  That’s what’s fair and even if I go to mediation I won’t accept anything less than 50-50 custody. (Note—you may be totally opposed to the 50-50 idea, but it’s best to acknowledge that it is a possible outcome if your goal is to get your spouse in the door.)

You:  Fifty-fifty custody might be a great way to share the children.  Let’s talk about that in mediation.

Spouse:  I don’t care what happens.  I’m not paying you alimony.

You:  It may be that you don’t owe any alimony.  The mediator can help us decide, and if you disagree you can always get another opinion from your own lawyer.

Note that in the above examples you acknowledge that their proposed resolution is not out of the question.  Then you make the record skip back to how great the mediation process would be.  This is not the time to stake out your positions in the case, as tempting as that may be.Remember to stay true to the mission—getting your spouse to see the mediator.  It is important to deal with that person’s fear of loss, often the biggest obstacle to getting a party through the mediator’s doors.

Mediation is the single best method of getting your divorce.  Ask any divorce attorney how they would handle their own divorce case, and if they’re honest, they’ll tell you to settle quickly and avoid going to court.

Hoping this helps you to achieve your post-divorce dreams, I urge you to…

Love your family,

Protect your finances, and

Reach for your future!

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post TWO STEPS TO GET ANY SPOUSE INTO DIVORCE MEDIATION (NO MATTER HOW RELUCTANT THEY ARE) appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.

I have represented clients whose exes owe them over a quarter million dollars in back support.  Support arrears in the tens of thousands of dollars are not at all uncommon.  If you’re the parent whose struggling to make it with your job, with your kids in daycare, and with a parent who just doesn’t help, you’ve come to the right place.  This blog will point you toward some resources that will help you to get paid.

WHAT NOT TO DO:  WITHHOLD VISITATION WITH THE OWING PARENT:

I’d like to start off with a mistake that many parents make when the other parent doesn’t pay.  It’s tempting, as the custodial parent, to say, “hey, if he’s not stepping up to the plate he shouldn’t get to see his kids.”  This is a mistake because the courts are careful to separate the child custody issues from the financial issues.  The courts see the parenting plan as a child-focused way to have both parents involved in the child’s life.  Judges and custody mediators believe that it’s good for children to have access to both parents.

In fact, if you have a case going with the Department of Child Support Services, the regular family law judge will not even hear the child support issues.  Child support will be heard separately in the “support division,” a separate arm of the Superior Court devoted to cases being enforced by the Department of Child Support Services.

The family law judge, charged with deciding the child custody and visitation issues, is not interested in who’s financially better off or who is paying or not paying the support.  Raising the financial issues during a custody hearing can actually damage your custody case by making you look less “child focused” in the court’s eyes.

THE DEPARTMENT OF CHILD SUPPORT SERVICES IS YOUR ALLY IN COLLECTING BACK CHILD SUPPORT

The Department of Child Support Services (“DCSS”) is a government agency whose sole reason for being is collecting child support.  An application to establish a DCSS case can be made and submitted online.  Your case will be assigned to a case worker who will collect information and investigate the parties’ earnings.  (Note:  all links in this blog are for San Diego County.  Google your local county for its DCSS application.)

When you initiate a DCSS case, you will assign your right to receive child support to the county where you live, and that county will file a petition and a motion before the support division court to either initiate, modify or enforce your child support order.  Once the judge issues a support order, DCSS will take care of issuing the wage assignment or garnishment of the payor’s wages, known as an “income withholding order.”  DCSS can also request that the payor’s driver license be suspended pending the payment of arrears, and can even file a request that contempt of court charges be filed against the delinquent party.  The judge has the power to punish willful non-payment of support with 5 days in jail for each missed payment, known as a “count.”

A child support order has the effect of a “judgment” by the issuing court.  For each payment missed, the court tacks on annual interest of 10 percent, known as “post judgment interest.”  That’s why child support debt is so bad—it carries a very high interest rate, and to boot, it’s not discharable in bankruptcy.

In conclusion, while you’re killing him/her with kindness on the child custody front, you can still use DCSS as a took to get what you need from him/her.  Until next time,

Love your family,

Protect your finances, and

Reach for your future!

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post WHAT TO DO WHEN HE/SHE WON’T PAY THE CHILD SUPPORT: A CARLSBAD DIVORCE LAWYER’S PERSPECTIVE appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.

To reiterate what I told the payers, basic guideline child support is calculated based on a formula in the Family Code, and you can get a rough idea of what you’re entitled to by using the Department of Child Support Services’ online support calculator.  Before you go there, have the following data ready:

1.  The number of supported children;

2.  The tax filing status and number of exemptions each parent takes;

3.  The gross earnings (or earning capacity) of the parties;

4.  Deductions such as healthcare costs, mandatory retirement and mandatory expenses; and

5.  The percentage of weekly hours spent by the parties.

If you don’t know the earnings of the other party, put in an estimate.  Use the Gross, before-tax monthly income in the calculator, not the net.  The program will account for the taxes, and if you enter an after-tax amount you will not get an accurate child support calculation.

But what about those little extras?  Child care?  Clothing? Extracurricular activities?

The basic child support number is meant to include ordinary child-rearing expenses such as housing, clothing, food and etc.  So if you go before the court arguing that dad has not bought a new pair of shoes for a year, know that it probably won’t matter.

But there are certain child support add-ons which are mandatory.  But you must ask for these at your child support hearing or make sure they are included in your child support order.  The mandatory add-ons are described in Family Code section 4062 as follows:

(a) The court shall order the following as additional child support:

(1) Child care costs related to employment or to reasonably necessary education or training for employment skills.

(2) The reasonable uninsured health care costs for the children as provided in Section 4063.

Whenever the law uses the word “shall,” it means that what follows is mandatory.  The court must award these costs against both parents.  You can expect, in most cases, to receive a mandatory reimbursement of half of child care costs related to employment or necessary education, and half of uncovered medical.  The court does have the discretion to apportion the costs between the parents, but the usual apportionment of mandatory additional support is 50-50.

But wait, there’s more.  Section 4062 has a subsection (b) which reads as follows:

(b) The court may order the following as additional child support:

(1) Costs related to the educational or other special needs of the children.

(2) Travel expenses for visitation.

The word “may” means that the court can award them, but it doesn’t have to.  But it doesn’t hurt to ask.

Generally, the court will award such educationally-related costs if they are “extraordinary,” that is, over and above the normal educational expenses.  They can include ball fees for that student that’s athletically gifted.  They could include a tutor for that student struggling with Attention Deficit Disorder or high-functioning autism.

It’s important to understand that both parents have a legal duty to financially support their children.  The court can impute income to a party that refuses to work or would rather live on a park bench than pay his/her support.

Next week I’m going to write about what to do if the other parent just won’t pay.  How do you get an order of child support, or enforce the one that you have?  Until next week,

Love your family,

Protect your finances, and

Reach for your future!

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post CALCULATING CHILD SUPPORT FROM THE SUPPORTED PARENT’S POINT OF VIEW appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.

If you’re that guy that would rather live on a park bench than pay your support, I can’t help you.  But if you want to step up to the plate and be a parent, there’s a part of the guideline calculation you can impact and control.  That side is the number of hours you have with your son or daughter.

Elements of the Child Support Calculation:

Let’s look at the data that go into the support calculation, which are these:

1.  The number of supported children;

2.  The tax filing status and number of exemptions each parent takes;

3.  The gross earnings (or earning capacity) of the parties;

4.  Deductions such as healthcare costs, mandatory retirement and mandatory expenses; and

5.  The percentage of weekly hours spent by the parties.

Control What You Can.

The more hours per week that you, the paying parent, spend with the child, the lower your support will be.  But, you say, “she’ll only let me see them on weekends.”  Or, “my court orders only give me 20 percent time (or less).

But here’s where your advantage lies:  Scientific studies have shown that, all other factors being equal, spending time with the non-custodial spouse (usually dad) leads to better adjustment of children to divorce, less delinquency, less drug use, better school performance, and, in short, better kids.  If you think about it, this should be obvious.  Much gang activity and disrespectful behavior toward women can be traced to fatherlessness among children.  Men teach boys how to be men and respect women.  Women teach their daughters how to be adult women.  But it is fathers who, by their conduct, can teach a young woman how a man ought to treat her.

Your family judges know this, and this is why the trend is toward joint custody arrangements.  Such arrangements, between adequate parents, are better for children than one involved parent and one garnished parent.

How to Push the Parenting Time Needle in Your Direction:

The best way to do this is to step up to the plate and be a parent.  Listen, your kids crave your attention, approval and discipline, even if they don’t show it outwardly.  So be a parent.  Volunteer at their school.  Offer to assist their basketball coach.  Get to know their friends.  Plan special events and trips with them.  Make memories.  It’s as simple as that.

It’s a win, win, win, because this focus benefits you, the paying parent, the child who gets a loving parent, and the other parent gets a child who is happy, healthy and easier to manage.  In my experience, courts are generally sympathetic to parents who rearrange their lifestyles around parenting.  They will tolerate a lower level of earnings and not impute higher income to you if you are really stepping up to the plate.

And you may just find that giving to your kids in ways other than money can produce a deeply satisfying relationship with them.  I’ve been able to do this in my own divorce situation.  You can, too.

It’s important to recognize that deepening your parent-child relationship is a marathon, not a sprint.  You’re not going to be able to just go to court after years of neglecting that relationship and get an order of 50-50 parenting time.  You have to lay the foundation by taking the parenting time you have right now, and using it to build that relationship.

Doing this, you’ll lower your payments, and get something in return that money can’t buy:  The love and gratitude of your kids.  I urge you to…

Love your family,

Protect your finances, and

Reach for your future!

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU ARE A CHILD SUPPORT PAYOR: SAGE ADVICE FROM A CARLSBAD DIVORCE LAWYER appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.

Have you ever been laying awake at night wondering how much you’re going to have to pay in child support?  Or perhaps you’ve done some child support calculations and you’re wondering how to live on what’s left?  Whether you are married or are a never-married parent, child support is one of those unavoidable burdens, much like death and taxes.  But be of good cheer; there are some arguments and strategies that you may not have heard of, and this month I’m going to do a series on exactly how child support is calculated, and also some things you can do to either reduce your burden or collect what you need to raise those kids.

Let’s begin with the legal roots of the child support obligation.  In all 50 states, and all territories of the United States, the law recognizes the duty of parents to financially support their children.  About 20 years ago child support became a hot-button political issue, as candidates for public office and even for president made political hay from a perceived national concern over “dead-beat dads.”

This political pressure resulted in the system we have today, as the federal government forced every state to adopt guidelines governing exactly how much a non-custodial parent must pay a custodial parent in child support.  Even in joint custody cases, if you make more money than the other parent, you can expect to pay some support, and, if you’re doing really well and the non-custodial spouse is down and out, you could get hit with child support even if the other parent only has 20 percent time with the kids!

California’s state-wide guidelines are contained in Family Code section 4055.  Reading this code section is a cure for insomnia, and you would have to be a mathematician to figure out your support just by reading the statute.

Therefore, enterprising software writers have come up with computer programs to calculate child support.  When you go into a family law or support division courtroom in California, you’ll find that the judges have the support calculators loaded on to their laptops, and county law libraries will normally have the software as well.  In San Diego county, where I practice, the program of choice is called DissoMaster(tm) and I, like all  practitioners, own a license for this software.

If you require a child support calculation, contact my office and we can run a DissoMaster calculation for you.  If you’re reading this at midnight, try the online calculator by clicking here.

If you are a paying parent, it’s best to run support calculations while sitting down.  I have seen numerous cases of what I refer to as DissoMaster shock, a condition where a speechless parent first learns what the State of California will require them too pay.  The fact is, those little urchins are expensive, especially when they become teenagers.  Recognizing this, the guidelines provide for some rather high numbers.

The good news for payers is that all is not lost.  There are ways to reduce your liability for support.  But it’s difficult, as the guidelines are mandatory in the vast majority of support cases.

Therefore, in the posts to come, I’d like to discuss exactly what the law is, and in particular, how the court treats various claims of hardship in support cases.  But I’d like to go further and give you some arguments you can make in court, and some long-term  strategies that will help keep the money in your pocket.  Stay tuned …

Very truly yours,

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post WHAT PARENTS MUST UNDERSTAND ABOUT CHILD SUPPORT: A CARLSBAD DIVORCE LAWYER’S PERSPECTIVE appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.

I have a question for those of you who are divorcing, have a paternity case pending or a support case pending:

Have you ever had some disagreement with your soon-to-be-ex, and vowed that you were going to take him/her to court?  Maybe you then had second thoughts later, because court is expensive and complicated.  What is an appropriate issue to stand pat and file that Request for Order?  And When should you suck it up and go on with life?

If your children are in actual danger because of the other parent’s abuse or neglect, you’ve got to act.  But what if he’s usually more than 15 minutes late to the transition point, and never calls ahead to say he’s running late?

THE COURT IS A BLUNT INSTRUMENT:

Our court system comes from merry old England, and is designed primarily to transfer money from one pocket into another and to determine the guilt or innocence of those accused of crimes.  These tasks are “all or nothing” situations.  “The court finds that you operated your automobile in a negligent manner, causing the plaintiff to suffer damages.”  Or, “We, the jury, find the defendant guilty of murder in the first degree.”

In family law, the court is asked to manage an ongoing relationship.  Courts generally struggle with the management of relationships.  When children are involved in divorce or paternity proceedings, the court is asked to act as “super-parent,” to resolve disagreements when parents can’t agree on what’s best for the children.  But your judge wasn’t there to see what happened, and the evidence is often conflicting.  When the issue is trivial, the courts expect the parents to behave “like adults” and not involve the court in petty disputes.

The court is good at making sweeping decrees, such as “I am awarding joint legal custody to the parents, with primary physical custody to the mother.”  The court will usually adopt one of the form, recurring visitation schedules, such as a 2-2-3 or alternate weekends.  The court can find that visits with a parent must be professionally supervised if there are issues of gross neglect or abuse.

The court is less able to regulate more minor issues such as whether to enroll Junior in football or baseball, or whether he should be allowed to grow his hair long.  In family law, we lawyers sometimes call this type of issue a “garbage issue.”

THE CHILD WELFARE TEST:

My clients often ask me to file for emergency orders over hygiene issues or possible drinking and partying.  When doing so, I ask this question:  is there a Child Welfare investigation pending?  If not, why not?

In my experience, the trend in family law is to give generous parenting time to “non-custodial parents” (usually dads).  Before you ask for full custody of the children and no overnight visitation to the other parent, ask yourself if that other parent is “adequate.”  Not, “is she a good parent,” but is she an “adequate parent?”  Today’s family courts usually grant liberal, overnight parenting time to “adequate parents.”  An inadequate parent is one who has committed an act of child neglect, such as placing the child in danger, or perhaps one with serious substance abuse problems.

MAJOR IN MAJORS AND MINOR IN MINORS:

If you just don’t like the books dad reads to the kids, or think his new girlfriend is a bad influence, I have three words for you:  “let it go.”  This is not just good co-parenting advice; it is good litigation strategy.  If you are the tolerant one and support the other parent’s relationship to the children, you’re more likely be found to be the parent who supports “frequent and continuing contact” with the other parent.  I have handled many cases where a parent lost significant time with the children because they nitpicked about the other parent’s world.  You’ll do better if you support frequent and continuing contact with the other parent.

It’s a paradox.  If you want more time with Johnny, you have to be supportive of his parenting time with dad or mom, and not raise a bunch of ticky-tacky issues with the court.  The court wants you to cooperate in raising Johnny.  Save the big guns to deal with major problems, such as that move-away situation or problems of neglect and abuse.

This isn’t easy.  It requires large amounts of grace and patience.  But it pays off over the long haul.

And if you want to commiserate, you can join our local Divorce University Online Meetup group or contact Tammy at 760-990-4752 to participate via video.

Stay tuned for next week’s blog, and until then,

Love your family,

Protect your finances, and

Reach for your future!

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post CHILD CUSTODY SECRET: KNOWING WHEN THE COURT CAN HELP YOU, AND WHEN IT CAN’T. appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.