This is Thomas Ferreira, your divorce and child custody lawyer and mediator in Carlsbad, California. I just got back from back-to-school orientation for my boys. I took this task on even though my ex-wife has the kids this week, applying my core strategy of being nice and building trust.

Now I’d like to move on to a subject on many of your minds: What do I do when I feel like I’m in over my head, especially if I have a family court date coming up? It may surprise you to learn that even seasoned family lawyers can be nervous before court. And, what about your written presentation. Don’t most judges make a tentative ruling before a family law or child custody hearing based on what you present in writing? You may be wonderful at explaining your case to others, but poor writer. Or maybe you write like a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, but you get tongue-tied and flabbergasted as soon as you’re before the court.

If that’s you, let me introduce you to a wonderful and well-hidden secret in family law: You don’t need to hire a lawyer to handle every aspect of the case. Hire a lawyer to do those things that you need, and manage the rest of the case yourself.

Ghost-Written Motion Papers:
One way to use a lawyer effectively and inexpensively is to have the lawyer “ghost-write” your court papers. Did you know that an expert family lawyer can write your papers for any motion, and you don’t have to disclose who did the work? You ask the lawyer to prepare your motion or Request for Order, and give the lawyer the facts. The lawyer will then write a persuasive declaration and written argument championing your cause. The paperwork is then filed by you. You get a professional work product without having the lawyer sign on as your attorney of record.

In California, I draft moving papers for request for order hearings (“RFOs”), domestic violence proceedings and even trial briefs. I can ghost-write RFOs or Responses to RFOs in your divorce case for a flat fee of $700. Prices may vary based on complexity of the matter, but I will normally require a $3,000 deposit (10 hours of professional time) to handle the same RFO from start to finish.

You know your case better than anyone. You know your finances and your relationship to the children, and are in the best position to argue your RFO. And, you’ve put your best foot forward with a top-flight declaration, legal brief (“points and authorities) and list of exhibits.

Spot Appearances:
If you’ve followed our advice in the past and organized your exhibits and evidence, you may just need someone to argue the motion in court. An attorney can sign a “Notice of Limited Scope Representation” and be your attorney of record for just that appearance.

I find that many times people spend their entire war chest early in the case, and find themselves facing a child custody or family law trial without an attorney. If you’ve got a fight on your hands, it’s sometimes effective to save your best ammunition for the final battle. Have a lawyer draft your moving papers, your exhibits, and then make the appearance at your trial. Make sure you make arrangements with the attorney well in advance of the trial date, as most attorneys are reluctant to jump into a case in the weeks leading up to a trial.

Unbundled Services as Part of a Comprehensive Plan:
Unbundled representation is not always the best way to go, and I advise you to consult with a lawyer early on to create a comprehensive plan of action. If you’re using attorney services as needed, you are responsible to build the case file and the record without the lawyer’s help. It’s best to establish a relationship with a lawyer who has familiarity with your case. Don’t expect a lawyer to jump in and try your case one week before the trial date.

Remember, too, that the best case is a settled case. Try to avoid court battles when possible so that you can …

Love your family,
Protect your finances, and
Reach for your future!

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post UNBUNDLED SERVICES GIVE YOU PROFESSIONAL LEGAL HELP WITHOUT THE HUGE ATTORNEY PRICE TAG appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.

My (divorced) mother recently asked me this question:  Why are divorces so expensive?  Her answer was, “because they’re worth it!”

She should know, given the riches she forked over to attorneys who gladly took her money and fed her resentment toward my father.  I love my mother more than life itself, but she would have been well served to read this page before she plunked down those hefty retainers.  Sadly, I was a young law student at the time of her divorce and had little to offer her other than the standard lawyer technical gobbledygook.

10 years ago I was a devoted husband to my young bride, with 2 toddler boys.  I had been practicing in the field of workers’ compensation defense for about 19 years at the time, having tried hundreds of cases before the California Workers’ Compensation Appeals Board and other tribunals and courts.

Then, suddenly, I became a litigant when my now ex-wife announced that she wanted a divorce.  My world turned upside-down.  What should I do first?  I knew nothing about California divorce law, but I was a lawyer, and I thought, well, I can figure this out if anyone can.

My first stop along the way was Dr. Deena Stacer’s high conflict class.  That’s a class the court often orders when parents can’t get along.  I was not ordered to take the class, but found out about it through a mutual friend.

The class was a godsend!  I certainly learned how divorce litigation generates the worst forms of self-defeating behaviors.  I created Divorce Life Solutions out of a passion to help others avoid shooting themselves in the foot during divorce and child custody litigation.

One epiphany was that the litigation itself was devastating to the people involved, decimating to their financial security and destructive to their happiness.  I also saw litigants spending tens, and sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars walking down that path.  Sorry, mom, but it’s not worth all that.

I decided to turn lemons into lemonade and you can, too.  I have discovered ways to use legal services in targeted ways that avoid the thousands involved in having a divorce specialist on retainer.  I have learned a set of behaviors that can transform your divorce from a grueling scorched-earth battle to a transformative experience where you achieve your dreams.

So, yes, you can save huge dough and avoid the pain and heartache of divorce litigation—simultaneously!

Look at some of the past issues for some great tips.  I have some tools that will help you to chart your course if you will subscribe to my blog.  But more importantly, I have hard won wisdom from having succeeded in creating my own great post divorce life, have a wonderful and satisfying relationship to my boys (now aged 12 and 13) and truly achieving my dreams.  I did it and you can to.

So, tune in for next week and until then,

Love your family,

Protect your finances, and

Reach for your future!

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post It’s True: You Really Can Divorce Inexpensively While Achieving Your Dreams And Here’s How… appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.

STEP ONE:  DECIDE IF DIVORCE REALLY YOUR BEST OPTION:

If you are the victim of intolerable cruelty, constant angry attacks or, God forbid, physical abuse, it’s time to get out.  Contact your local domestic violence shelter.  They have experienced counselors who can help you escape frank abuse.

For the rest of you, I’m not going to judge the reason for the breakup, but I will say that most people have soluble problems.  I have written in other contexts that one should always count the costs.  Divorce is financially devastating, emotionally painful to you, your spouse, your friends and your extended family, and generally harmful to children.  True, children are harmed when marital conflict descends into deep disrespect of the other or violence.  But consider the long term effect, and that most marital problems are temporary and soluble.  Be sure this is the last resort, because once a divorce announcement is made or a petition filed, it’s nearly impossible to go back.

STEP TWO:  HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR EX:

If divorce is really inevitable, it is vital that you keep the carnage to a minimum.  A compassionate conversation with the soon-to-be-ex is important, because of what I call the “trust tax.”

The trust tax is the cost of doing business in a low-trust environment.  Consider international disputes that result in warfare.  Each nation demonizes the other and feels justified in defeating them by any means possible.  Warfare results in mass death and financial ruin.

To prevent a divorce that looks like international warfare, be compassionate, even if you are the left spouse.  It helps to understand that the leaving spouse is not a demon out to ruin your happiness.  In every divorce there is responsibility on both sides, no matter how minimal, and it helps to own your own part emotionally, even if you don’t express it.  You need to see your soon-to-be-ex in human terms.

From the children’s perspective, a high trust co-parenting relationship is vastly superior to a low trust, high-conflict one.  If staying together is impossible, you’ll need to be able to cooperate for the sake of the children.

Whn having this conversation, plan to discuss:

• Where are each of you going to live while this gets sorted out.
• What should the temporary parenting schedule be?
• Who will pay which bills?
• What support arrangements are necessary?
• Should we try mediation to resolve all the issues?

STEP THREE:  HAVE A FINANCIAL PLAN TO GET THROUGH THE EARLY STAGES:

If you are going to do a “cut and run” divorce, and avoid difficult conversations or mediation, get ready to spend.  A litigated divorce with divorce lawyers on each side is going to cost you about $20,000 or more for each party.  If you don’t have that kind of dough, see step two above.

I recommend having $3,000 to $5,000 on hand, or a credit card that can be charged in that amount, before initiating the legal process.  You’re going to need some professional help down the road even if you file your own petition.

Consider your budget and how you intend to support yourself during the process.  Leaving without a plan is a sure formula for disaster.

Before you raid the joint accounts, consider the effect that will have on trust.  Remember that the cost of your divorce will be inversely related to the level of trust that you are able to build with your ex.

Hoping this advice helps easy your journey down this rocky path, I urge you to:

Love your family,

Protect your finances, and

Reach for your future!

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post EXPERT CARLSBAD DIVORCE LAWYER SHARES THREE STEPS TO FINANCIAL SECURITY IN THE EARLY STAGES OF DIVORCE. appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.

A handshake is a low cost, low effort way to reach agreement, but it requires something usually lacking in divorce cases:  high trust.  The iron law of trust and cost is that where there is low trust there are high costs.

Consider what happens when divorcing parents can’t reach agreement.  In many cases a parent will seek to sabotage the other parent.  Lawyers contribute to this with nasty letters about that e-mail that was sent or that text message.  The parties come to court in armed camps ready for battle.  Repeated court intervention becomes necessary because the parents, wary and distrustful of one another, engage in the following low trust behaviors:

• Divorcing couples lace their necessary communications with unnecessary, emotionally charged statements judging the other party;
• Out of mistrust, a divorcing party will not cooperate by making reasonable concessions;
• Once agreements are reached, a party fails to deliver on a promise, lowering trust further.

Ask family law practitioners what they would do in their own cases, and their number one response is to avoid court.  But what tends to happen is that the litigation takes on a life of its own, as the parties incur “sunk costs.”  A sunk cost is like a down payment on something that turns out to be not worth the price.  For example, if you spend $100,000 to build half a bridge, and it will cost another $100,00 to complete the bridge, but the bridge will bring only $50,000 worth of value, is it rational to complete the bridge?  The answer is “no.”  The value of the completed bridge is less than the cost of completing it, so the rational decision is to leave it half built and save the remaining $100,000.

What tends to happen in litigation is that as the parties spend more and more, they become more “invested” in the case.  It becomes harder and harder to get off the merry-go-round.

This is why I encourage divorcing spouses to have a conversation at the beginning of the case.  They should strive to see the matter from the other’s point of view, and let go of resentment.  Finding a good divorce mediator at the outset will allow the parties to create a new form of trust—not the trust that married people have in a committed marriage, but at least the trust that comes from a shared interest in staying out of court, saving money and raising happy and well-adjusted children.

A family law trial is a hugely expensive and painful way to resolve disputes that can be settled through a mediated discussion with your spouse or co-parent.  The handshake is strictly optional.

Very truly yours,

Thomas D. Ferreira, Esq.

The post THE HIGH COST OF LOW TRUST appeared first on Carlsbad Divorce Mediator and Legal Document Assistant.