Tag Archive: Carlsbad Divorce Mediator

Jul 25

The Philosophy of Divorce

THE PHILOSOPHY OF DIVORCE This is Thomas Ferreira, your family law attorney and mediator in Carlsbad California. Today I want to tell you about a philosophy of going through a divorce, child custody, support or other family law matter. If you are already in the thick of family law litigation you will recognize some of …

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Aug 18

WHAT TO DO WHEN HE/SHE WON’T PAY THE CHILD SUPPORT: A CARLSBAD DIVORCE LAWYER’S PERSPECTIVE

After a brief detour last week, here is my next installment in my series on child support.  Many of you out there owe some child support arrears.  Many of you have a court order for child support, but the other parent just won’t pay. There are some parents who spend more than half their waking …

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Jul 26

CALCULATING CHILD SUPPORT FROM THE SUPPORTED PARENT’S POINT OF VIEW

Last week I discussed child support arguments from the payer’s perspective.  But what about the struggling parent who is charged with caring for the child and providing financially?  What about daycare and medical care?  Am I entitled to help with ball shoes, or clothes, or fees for extracurricular activities? To reiterate what I told the …

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Jul 19

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU ARE A CHILD SUPPORT PAYOR: SAGE ADVICE FROM A CARLSBAD DIVORCE LAWYER

Last week I gave you some basics on child support, so that you can understand what you’re up against.  I talked about the origin of the current confiscatory child support rates in the politics of bashing the so-called dead-beat dads.  But here’s the irony:  the divorce system tends to split up families without requiring the …

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Jul 15

WHAT PARENTS MUST UNDERSTAND ABOUT CHILD SUPPORT: A CARLSBAD DIVORCE LAWYER’S PERSPECTIVE

Thomas Ferreira, your child custody and divorce lawyer and mediator in Carlsbad, California, here.  Today I want to talk about child support. Have you ever been laying awake at night wondering how much you’re going to have to pay in child support?  Or perhaps you’ve done some child support calculations and you’re wondering how to …

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Jul 05

WHAT EVERY WOMAN WANTS, WHAT EVERY MAN WANTS—A NORTH SAN DIEGO COUNTY DIVORCE LAWYER’S PERSPECTIVE

Thomas Ferreira, North San Diego County divorce lawyer and mediator here.  As I said in my last post, this job has given me an insider’s view into the cause of marital breakdown.  And marital breakdown is a heartache whether or not there are are children involved. Have you ever had arguments with your husband or …

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Jun 29

Exposing the Real Cost of Divorce—A North San Diego Divorce Lawyer’s View

My mother once asked me, “Thomas, do you know why divorces are so expensive?”   I said, “no.”  “Because they’re worth it!” she replied. I was 4 years old when she got her first divorce and 20 when she got her second.  I can say with confidence that mom’s divorces have not been worth it, at …

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Jun 16

DIVORCE NEGOTIATION SECRET NUMBER 5: The Power of Trust

As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him.—Mahatma Gandhi Today’s is a low trust world.  That’s why there’s so much bullying, fighting and litigation.  Don’t you wish you could live in a better world?  You can.  I’ve seen it happen in divorce cases over and over …

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Jun 07

DIVORCE NEGOTIATION SECRET NUMBER FOUR: Avoiding the “A” Bomb

Thomas Ferreira here for this installment of my five secrets to successful divorce negotiation.  Today I want to talk about dropping the “A” bomb.  The “A” stands for “attribution.”  Dropping an attribution can produce a 5 megaton explosion guaranteed to blow up your negotiations. How many of you have been trying to influence someone, and …

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Jun 01

DIVORCE NEGOTIATION SECRET NUMBER THREE: The Curiosity Stance

May 25

FIVE SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL NEGOTIATION. Secret 2: The Magic of Converting Positions to Interests

May 17

FIVE SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL NEGOTIATION. Secret 1: Know What You Want in Advance

FIVE SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL NEGOTIATION. Secret 1: Know What You Want in Advance Thomas Ferreira here, divorce and child custody lawyer and mediator in North San Diego County.  Today I want to share the first of five secrets to negotiating agreements with your ex. How many of you out there can’t seem to get your …

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May 10

HOW TO FIND THE RIGHT ATTORNEY (IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK).

How to Find the Right Attorney – It’s Not What You Think The usual attorney sales pitch starts and ends with the attorney’s credentials, the attorney’s education and attorney’s accomplishments.  It proceeds through a proven sales formula involving fear of loss, a fear that is already front and center for most of you. But if …

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May 03

SECRET NUMBER FOUR FOR AN AMICABLE DIVORCE: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.

SECRET NUMBER FOUR FOR AN AMICABLE DIVORCE: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff Carlsbad Divorce Lawyer and Divorce Mediator discusses How to Have an Amicable Divorce – Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff And it’s all small stuff, right?  Not necessarily.  In my own situation, with sons ages 11 and 12, my ex and I are currently …

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Apr 27

SECRET NUMBER THREE FOR AN AMICABLE DIVORCE: OPT OUT OF THE ADVERSARY SYSTEM

Carlsbad Divorce Lawyer and Divorce Mediator discusses How to Have an Amicable Divorce – Opt Out of the Adversary System Here’s a declaration against interest if ever there was one:  I am an attorney with a family law and child custody litigation practice, and I am saying that, whenever possible, opt out of the traditional …

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Aug 24

DON’T DO IT, MAN

As a divorce lawyer and mediator, you might expect me to be salivating over the hacking of Ashley Madison and the publication of its subscription list.  My friends and colleagues joke that we divorce lawyers and mediators should get ready for a wave of new business from those who will soon be outed to their …

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May 28

REFRAMING SPOUSAL SUPPORT NEGOTIATIONS: THE LAW AND THE GOOSE THAT LAID THE GOLDEN EGG

Whenever I do mediation, I’m presented with adverse parties, many of whom are angry and upset that they are not at fault for the divorce, and yet are facing the imposition of tremendous financial burdens. In mediation, I assist divorcing spouses to reframe the discussions away from what is “owed,” and toward what each party …

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